How you doing, brother?
Never better.
No, we got the swaddle down. Thank you.
Care to hold your grandson?
Oh, I would love to, but I should finish up packing.
When do I get my stitches out?
They'll dissolve in about a week.
And it'll eventually be, like, normal again?
No. Never. No matter how many Kegels.
Can you believe this? I'm going home with a baby.
Going home with Brody.
Bodhi. Bodhi.
B-O-D-H-I.
- Bodhi? Oh, I thought it was… - Bodhi.
Sorry, I thought it was Brody.
It's kinda crazy they just let you leave with him.
- Yeah. - Newborn human being.
No instruction manual.
No, you'll be surprised how natural it'll all come to you.
Did it for you when you had me?
Yeah, like riding a bike.
Last night I had this super vivid dream
that Dad was there while I was giving birth.
Well, he wasn't there, noodle.
I'll check in right after my shift.
You're really just gonna leave me alone with him?
You'll be fine.
You got this.
Okay.
Hi! Hi, Bodhi.
He's so cute.
- So cute. - So cute. So…
He's so tiny.
- Hi. - Oh, my God.
- He's the most beautiful thing! - So precious.
Oh, what a miracle.
Miracle.
- He's just… He's so-- - Handsome.
Handsome. Exactly.
- And adorable. - And adorable.
He's probably hungry.
I read that babies eat every two hours.
I so wish I could.
I mean, wouldn't it be amazing if we could just snack around the clock?
Hey, you know the baby can hear you?
And every time you speak, you're making him weirder.
Okay.
I'll take it.
You look ready. Okay.
Maybe there's something wrong with him.
There's nothing wrong with him.
How can you just automatically know that?
Because I'm a doctor. I'm a pediatrician. I examined your child.
There's nothing wrong with him. He has colic.
Do some squats as you're holding him.
- I'm sorry, what? - It can help with the colic.
Just deep knee squats, up and down, up and down.
Just do it while we're talking.
Kinda lift his cheeks up just to make sure that I got it all--
Are you okay?
Are you all right?
I'm great.
Oh, my God! Baby Bodhi!
He's just perfect.
I don't know what else to say. He's perfect.
I know.
Can't even remember life without him.
And you're feeling okay?
Well, my tits are becoming a bit otherworldly.
The stitches dissolved from my episiotomy, so I no longer have to ice my crotch.
So, that's nice.
And I got a little something going with mood swings,
which could either be postpartum or self-awareness.
Self-awareness of what?
That I'm terrible at this.
Margo.
I am.
I'm beginning to realize that nobody is totally straight with you, you know?
They all just harp on the "joy" and the "miracle" and "wonderful" and…
You know, which… and it is, it totally is.
But--
But what?
But, I mean, he just re-refuses… refuses to get a good latch.
My nipples are so sore.
And after he's done with them, they don't even look like nipples.
They're like, more like-like-like squeezed toothpaste tubes.
And my areola is all white and…
and pinched.
And, I mean, he's probably cutting off my blood supply, so…
And he just spits them out
with such vicious contempt.
And he makes this awful clicking noise, it's like…
I'm sorry, but that fucking little thing won't shut up.
I mean, the lease prohibits us from getting a dog.
But having a screaming baby?
I think we need to extend a little more patience.
Oh, please.
Maybe she could've practiced a little more patience
before screwing her lit professor.
It has become obvious that the people in Margo's life
regard her as an unrelatable space alien.
And why shouldn't they?
She made the world's dumbest decision.
Meanwhile, Bodhi is somehow getting cuter by the day.
As if the nutrients he occasionally sucks down
are a superpowered tit ooze
meant to produce the world's most perfect mutant baby.
What will the apex of his cuteness be?
The jury is out.
James.
Hey, so we've gone over your aftercare and so forth.
Your discharge plans, your follow-up appointments.
Over and over.
So, big, big reminder
on the importance of routine and support groups.
I can't overstate that.
And I know you've been told that once all the "kudos" and "attaboys" fade,
it's… the quiet that you gotta watch out for.
Yeah.
You got somebody picking you up?
Uber. You have Uber in New Mexico?
Yeah.
Everything good?
A little development.
Like a… a bump development?
Something you need to see a counselor over?
No. No.
Fuck.
It's not all about you or your baby. Are you that clueless?
- Hey! - I am not clueless!
I am well fucking aware of the magnitude of my idiocy!
That is your baby! Your responsibility!
My responsibility is to pass my biochem exam!
Okay! Yeah. I'll leave!
That's what you want? I will leave!
You happy now?
Yes, because now I'll be able to sleep!
Hi.
Hey, Mom.
What's the matter?
No, nothing's the matter. Everything's fine.
What's the matter?
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're a mother. Mother's make it. You got this.
Why does everybody say that? "You got this"?
Because you don't have a choice.
I need to go back to work to make some money.
Which means I need a babysitter. Which I can't afford.
Don't even think about asking me what you're about to ask.
Mom?
Thirty minutes while we change drivers.
Fuck.
Hey, Jinx.
Hey.
What's up?
All right.
How you know Boomer?
Oh, I… He… No, he knows me.
I used to wrestle, so…
I never could get into that stuff.
It's kinda stupid.
- No offense. - No, none taken.
It's a bad job. Don't do it.
Okay.
Hey, so, is that his KZ sitting out there? That beautiful old beast?
Well, it looks nicer than riding the Greyhound.
You headed home?
Yeah. I got an ex-wife and kids back in Jersey.
Got some things to sort.
Well, must be nice for them. Having a famous parent and all.
Oh, yeah, yeah. It is a very special sort of relationship.
Hey, bus is leaving, hotshot.
Thank you. Thank you very kindly.
Hey, excuse me, sir…
I've got a championship belt in here, could use a good home.
I could autograph it for ya,
could take a photo in case you wanna resell.
But I gotta walk out that door in exactly ten seconds.
How'd you like to do a little business with Jinx?
What?
Baby.
I keep trying to tell you he's--
He doesn't like me!
It's just the colic, not you.
Maybe try holding him less, you know, rigid?
See? You see?
He's just picking up on your tension.
He does it with me too.
There you go. There you go.
There you go.
So, he's just been fed, but he will get hungry.
Yeah. Be good for grandma.
No, you have to put those in the fridge.
It just seems so skeevy handling your milk.
You didn't breastfeed me, did you?
I tried.
Was it the implants? Huh?
No, I got some kind of infection.
Have you talked to Dad?
Why would I?
Well, I haven't. Not that I do, I just would've thought…
I'm getting a bad feeling like maybe something happened to him.
- What if he's dead? - God. He's not dead.
He's just wherever the fuck.
Oh, hey, you got something there.
Stop.
Kenny wants to… meet you.
- I've already met him. - No, only in passing and you know, he…
He, like, wants to meet you and get to know you, and…
Why?
I don't know.
What? Like a formal interview process?
Could be.
Mom. You wouldn't actually marry him, would you?
You bet your ass I would.
What? Why?
Because he's… everything I'm not.
Well, he's also cheap.
You really think he's gonna let you spend $400 dollars a month on face cream?
He doesn't have to know about the face cream.
Do you love him?
- I do. - Liar.
I do!
And I admire him.
Mom, he's hardly your type.
Yeah, well… I am finished waiting for my type.
I don't even want my type.
My type is the worst possible thing for me.
So… when are you free?
And you'll need to get a babysitter that's not me,
and we'll go to dinner.
Can't I just bring Bodhi?
Oh, my fucking God.
You haven't told him about the baby.
Okay, no. No. I'm not pretending that I don't have a child, Mom!
I knew you were gonna be this way.
I will go to dinner with Kenny when you tell him that I have a baby.
Unbelievable!
Unbelievable yourself!
Here you go.
Nice to see you.
Margo, order's up!
You're the best, baby.
Hey, you have a visitor. Outside.
Mom.
I can't. He won't stop crying,
- and I just… I just can't. - What the fuck?
- So, you brought him here? - I tried calling, you wouldn't pick up.
Oh, my God.
I'm not meant to be a grandmother. Just like I wasn't meant to be a mother.
Fucker. Fucker. Fucker.
Mom, it's okay.
No, it is not okay.
Don't you think I know that? Even he knows that.
I wish I could be a better person, but I'm not!
And his crying nonstop, that is exactly what he is trying to say.
And I will not be judged. Not by him or anyone else.
Look at him. Look at him.
He deliberately is quiet when you're holding him,
just to make me feel worse about myself.
Mom, it'll be okay.
Oh, God.
I am an awful grandmother.
You're not.
Oh, stop being nice. You're being mercy-nice.
I will not be pitied.
I'm just terrible at everything, except being pretty.
And you excel at that. Brilliantly.
I'm sorry I called him a fucker.
You think he looks like me?
- I love you, noodle. - Love you.
Well, this is probably something you don't wanna hear under the circumstances, but…
But what?
Okay, you're fired.
- What? - I need someone I can count on.
I'll solve the childcare thing.
- You won't. - I won't?
Honey, this is your life.
Businesses, employers, we scrape to make it.
We survive because of dedicated employees--
I need a job, Tess.
And you're my friend.
Yeah, and it's as your friend that I'm saying no.
I mean, people work remotely from home all the time.
Especially writers.
What's up?
Nothing's wrong.
In fact, it's a positive development.
Of sorts.
Oh, we wanted to let you know, we found our own place.
So, we'll be moving out in a week.
Just wanted to give you a heads up, so you could find new roommates.
Are you kidding me?
Did you know about this?
I just found out.
A little notice might have been nice.
It came up pretty quickly.
And of course, we can still be friends and all of that and…
Okay.
Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx!
They say it's not about how you fall, but how you get back up.
Jinx! Jinx! Jinx! Jinx!
Bullshit.
It's not just about popping back up.
It's about beating the shit outta whoever knocked you down!
That's what character is!
You bash the other guy's guts out.
You turn him into goo.
Professor.
Come in.
Mark, meet Bodhi.
Bodhi, meet Mark.
Well, this has become very real.
Oh, he's super real.
Though I would imagine far less interesting than if he were fictional.
Hello, little guy.
Wow, Margo, he's really beautiful, isn't he?
I cannot afford a babysitter.
Not being able to afford a babysitter makes it difficult to work.
Hence, I lost my job.
Two of my roommates just moved out, so my portion of the rent
has now increased by over a thousand dollars per month.
I would rather snorkel in my own vomit than come to you begging for money,
so instead I've come to demand it.
I need $3,000.
You're going to give it to me.
Do you think I'm that liquid?
You will give me $3,000.
What did he say?
I just left before he could respond.
No.
I just… I don't know,
I started to feel sorry for him and, you know,
I could see his face start to contort and I didn't wanna soften,
and him to try to negotiate me down.
I must say, I'm impressed.
And where's Bodhi? I thought you were bringing him.
Susie's watching him.
So there, progress on the babysitting front too.
- Listen. What are you wearing? - Progress all around.
- Very nice. Okay. - Thank you. Okay.
Oh, my God. Just looking at the menu, my mouth is flooding with saliva.
Are we getting appetizers?
- Well… - The thing about nursing,
I'm constantly starved.
Margo, I want you know to know this meal is my treat.
And you're free to order whatever you like, no expense spared.
We don't need an appetizer.
Well, maybe you don't.
You're about to order a margarita the size of your head.
But I need one.
You know I don't drink.
- Susan? - No.
Maybe it's the pediatrician's office.
Just hold on.
Order me nachos.
Hello?
- Is this Margo Millet? - Speaking.
Elizabeth Gable calling.
Elizabeth?
Gable. As in the mother.
His.
Hello.
I thought we might schedule a meeting to discuss your demands.
What do you mean a meeting?
A meeting, where two or more people get together
by chance or arrangement.
Mark has given me your contacts. I will email you an address.
Is this a joke?
A joke?
You find extortion funny? I don't.
I'm hoping that we can meet and resolve this tomorrow.
It would be best.
You okay?
I'm fine.
You don't look fine.
Well, I am.
So, Mom says you're a big deal in the church.
Well, I'm the president and the youth ministry director.
That's really cool.
They have really good programs like plays and stuff.
Yeah…
- They even put on… - Rent.
- Rent.
Yeah, we're much more liberal than we're given credit for.
Which is why it was so silly for Shyanne to think that I would judge you
for having a baby out of wedlock.
You know, most people these days,
they just don't wanna accept any consequences for, you know, their actions.
A lot of girls in your situation they would have cried rape.
They would've… you know, said, "Well, he was my professor.
He should've done this or he shouldn't have done that."
And… My point is that we're all fallen creatures.
The real test is what we do when those chickens come home to roost.
- Right. - Yeah?
See? I told you we would get along.
Which is actually why I wanted to ask you to this dinner,
tonight…
I'd like to ask for your blessing, Margo.
I would like to ask for your mother's hand in marriage.
Yeah.
So, we have… So we have your blessing?
- Yeah. Of course. - Yeah? Okay.
Oh, wow!
What?
Shyanne.
You are the most beautiful wo… beautiful woman I have ever met.
Yes! Yes! I say yes!
You gotta let me finish.
I would be honored if I could be the boring to your beautiful,
the strong to your delicate,
the serious to your silly.
Shyanne, will you be my wife?
Yes.
Okay.
Hey, everyone.
Let's give a big Applebee's cheer to the happy couple!
It was actually quite beautiful.
And romantic.
Maybe it's even possible she really loves him.
That's very affirming.
I always find it so moving when love works out in real life,
as opposed to just books and movies.
Is that cabbage really working?
I think so. It's supposed to help with inflammation.
And I gotta cram these milk bags into a respectable outfit tomorrow
to meet Mark's mom.
Yikes.
Yeah. Yikes indeed.
What?
Look, I've never brought you into this part of my life,
but now the girls are gone, I feel comfortable saying that…
I'm into cosplay.
Very into it.
I'm a cosplayer.
Yeah, I figured.
Anyway,
if you ever wanna model some looks, I think you'd be a natural.
Oh, okay. Thank you.
Just think about it.
I will. I promise.
God, at this hour?
What now?
Like, seriously, what the fuck now?
Dad.
Hey, baby.
Thought you might be dead.